JusMoi ... My lif3sT0ry ...

that's what he's doing now ... going on a holiday to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam ... gerek kan tu??? ... he left singapore about 2.45pm w/ SQ178 ... coming back on 2nd Jan after the new year ... went w/ his frens ... frens?? hmmm ... heheheh his first time there ... me?? no idea what's there ... i know the girls are pretty kan?? or am i just being negative about things?? ... really ... no idea what's there ... but i'm pretty sure it's kind of laid back ... good place to just be away from the hustle bustle of the city ... but again has all the city fun ... like pubs, clubs, girls ... arghhhh!!! anyway ... i'm pretty sure he's having great fun there ... and leaving me behind ... *bluekkkk* ** i'm already missing him .... ::( **

ni lah kalo keja sales ... every single day at work ... in fact every single seconds ... tink about figures ... figures ... figures ... (tak nak pulak figures kat kocek ni bertambah ... sigh!!!) that's the end of my work day-year ... which basically means i've closed my sales figures for the year 2005 ... not good ah ... i'm like $30k away from my target ... arghhhhh!!! shitty kan tu!!! ... real mess up shit!! i've told my ex-boss repeatedly ... not once ... not twice but many many many times that i'm not cut out to be a sales person ... tak caya!!! tgk ah ni ... tak leh meet figures ... buat tak meet ... tak buat jgn cakap lah ... anyway no big deal ah ... buat pun tak dapat bonus ... comm pun tak seberapa ... sigh!!! lebih baik jgn buat ... guess it's really time to get out of tis messy mess that i've been hiding in for the past 5 years ... i tink it's really time ... hmmm ... what's next then???? ... ... ...

RESOLUTION ... which simply means :: "A course of action determined or decided on" ... hmmm Let's ponder ... each year ... when a new year comes ... people would go ard and ask ... "hey what's ur new year resolution huh??" .... aiyoh ... mcm dah basi gitu kan ... and each year ... you will definitely come up with a list of things that you want to do in the coming year ... which simply means ' ur course of actions ' ... lame!!! but again ... some people ... and really these are the people i salute ... really take their resolution seriously ... and they made it ... it becomes what they have set it to become ... congrats mate!!! anyway for me ... entahlah ... makin setahun demi setahun ... lebih teruk dari hari semalam ... nothing seems to come in place for me ... well well ... maybe in an area or two ... but that's like 0.000001% of 365 days ... pathetic ... so i've decided to make it a death wish instead ... or in a nicer term...

is it supposed to be a happy occasion?? yeah ... i guess to some ... me? it's just another day ... it comes and it goes ... i'm still me ... the same me ... wish that when all is new ... i'll be a new me ... w/ new brains ... new life ... new heart .. new body ... new face ... pendek kata ... all new lah ... but that's all wishful thinking kan tu?? ok lah ... might as well make some speech lah kan ... since we are going into another whirlpool of 365 days of memories ... (who knows this might be my last entry ke ... hmmm) Here it goes ... 1. to my frens who are travelling and not in singapore and whom might not even be reading this ... but again who cares ... i'm jotting it down still ... i wish you happy happy ... take care ... dun be notty notty ... spend wisely ... enjoy urself to the fullest with whoever you're with ... as long as you enjoy urself ... but ... know ur limits lah ... just be happy ... let ur hair down ... 2. to those who i owe you mo...

Mine is GREEN ... read on ... You're green , the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

pple would say and agree tat distance just makes the love fonder ... but being apart ... would also makes u tink all the nonsense stuff especially when u hear no news of such from the other party ... calls unanswered ... sms yes on occasion when it feels like the need to ... and that just makes u wonder and really wonder ... wat the heck is going on?? mane dia gi?? dgn siape?? ni mesti ade sumone there yg dia tak nak di ganggu?? siape lah kita ... not there in the list of IMPORTANT pple ... what the heck!!!??? ARGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

since when has work been a chore?? am i feeling that way ... not sure ... sumtimes ... at times ... perhaps ... been one thing i believe ... as long as u dun drag urself to work every morning ... u are still ok ... which means?? work is not a chore ... u are not dragging urself to work ... maybe at times ... perhaps that's the day when u rather cuddle next to ur love ones ... heheheh question ... when do u call it quit?? ... hmmm ....

Just wanted to let you know that buddy aka Nazri has joined Multiply! His user ID is iihan32. Add buddy as a contact Send buddy a personal message

bad dry cough ... celik je koff ... koff ... koff ubat batuk dah berbotol2 ... baik nya tidak ... vicks je ah teman setia ... arghhhh!!

my sis, Ayu insisted that me come over her place ... my BIL had ordered satay ... she had cooked nasi lemak ... she came over to pick us (me, ida and adik up) ... nak tak nak ... terpaksalah gi ... she bought a cake ... the same cake pulak tu as what bro bought ytdy ... tak pe lah ... it's the tot that counts ... upon reaching her place ... cut the cake and tat's it ... laze ard ... watch "Au Pair" on disney channel before heading home ... my BIL send us back ... ady is out jemputan ... called me at 6.45pm when he just got back ... said went to 3 jemputan ... i presume Hairil's, sam's and tai's ... again ... no wishes from him ... he really really really forgets ... this morning ... recd 2 more sms wishes from erica and zhenping ... at least they remembers ... ytdy got a msg from sabrena just before i head out ... well i miss her's by a day ... tit for tat hahahaha ...

it's 12.45am ... that's it ... my day has past 45 mins ago ... still no wishes from him ... HE FORGETS!!!! ::(( lepas maghrib tadi i went to jurong pt ... gi bayar courts nya Ady ... grab myself strawberry punch ... yikes ... berhampas ... not as nice as strawberry lime ... grab 198 to jurong east ... go collect ady's ngage and sent in the 2x 6230 that nokia can't service ... i got played out ... awi really sent in a letter asking for his hutang ... cc to my dad ... u could imagine wat my parents felt ... my mum nagging as usual ... even now while i'm typing away ... said those things like having a degree but end up with hutang keliling pinggang ... while i was out just now ... i felt like killing myself ... putting myself to sleep and never wakes up ... jumping off a bldg or even into the water ... get myself drown ... turning 30 is no fun!!! i had my fair share of tears ... mum called me when i'm in the bus gg to jurong east ... wishing me happy birthday ... ...

abstract from yahoo horoscope ... In General Quickie: Use a direct manner to get your meaning across. Today, don't candy coat anything. Overview: When it comes to finances, here's what to do: Stop worrying, first of all; that won't help. Spend as little as possible and save anything you can. You'll get through this -- more easily than you'd ever have imagined, in fact. Extended: Your trademark freewheeling approach may have landed you in a little bit of a deficit, and economizing isn't your specialty. Chances are, though, that someone close to you is an expert in this particular field, and chances are that they've been offering to help for quite some time. Don't feel sheepish -- just take them up on it. The first step is the hardest, and once you're with the program it'll be relatively painless. Love and relationship Daily Flirt: Take a big dose of creativity and add your natural adaptability and optimism, and you've got a killer combi...

it's still my day today ... it's 3.10pm ... i've receive smses wishing me Happy Birthday: - azli @1.44am - ifa @4.06am - ida (my elder sister) @6.27am - faridah @8.41am - audrey @10.29am - paul @1.47pm that's all i have till now ... nope ... nothing from my bf ... i really really doubt he remembers ... i called him using my private no ... at abt 6.30am ... he picked it up ... doesn't sound that he is sleeping ... doesn't sound that he is drunk ... probably he is indoor ... cos doesn't sound too noisy to be outdoor ... checked his dbs internet banking ... he drew out all $100 ytdy topping up $10 for his ezlink ... leaving $5 bucks in the account ... still pondering where the hell is sims ave branch ... whr i saw it 2x ... he draw it out ... maybe those are the 2x that he was w/ Toi?? god knows ... where is he now?? dunno ... maybe call him later ah ... me?? any plans today?? like i said no money nak plan ape seh ... ingat nak gi pedi/mani but still m...

i'm here again ... last year about this time ... i remember i was at Republic of Singapore Yatch Club ... sitting all by myself crying ... eating a cake, writing a birthday card and happy getting myself a CD. by this year ... i'm here in front of this PC ... writing this journal ... which is visible only by me ... of course lah ... why would i want to share this journal w/ everyone kan?? i'm not one to tell the world that today, 3 December 2005 @12.20am is my birthday ... (well actually i was born at 9.04am) earlier today i was out w/ ady ... went to expo to get his marathon goodie bag. he is not running for the marathon ... cos tmrw he has hairil's wedding dinner to attend, the other wedding the groom just got into an accident ytdy so now in ICU ... on sunday he has Sam's (budak blk ah ...) wedding. i slept over his place last nite ... so was from his place to expo ... had bf cum lunch cum dinner @long john silver millenia ...

humans .... we will never realise our mistakes unless we fell with a hard thud ... yet ... we end up doing the same mistakes again ... and again ... and again ... ironic? pathetic? well ... that's human ... isn't it too late to regret when something u take for granted today ... suddenly ... not there tomorrow ... why take for granted then in the first place? ... why not appreciate it's presence right from the start? ... ego? just plain stupidity? or just plain 'take for granted' attitude? ... i personnally think the latter is the most ideal reason ... moral of the story: appreciate ur love ones today ... cos you never know if you ever see them tomorrow ... never ever take them for granted ... cos you never know if you ever had another chance ...

which part of australia should i go?? western australia -> perth   1 northern territory -> darwin   1 south australia -> adelaide   0 queensland -> brisbane   1 new south wales -> sydney   0 australia capital territory -> canberra   0 tasmania -> hobart   0 victoria -> melbourne   0 tot next year nak gi australia ah ... but where should i go eh?? i tink trip gi australia -> accomodation, flight should cost about $1.5K ... kalo expenses another $1.5K rasa2 cukup tak?? i tink driving would be a good option kan ... tu pun kalo anyone yang sanggup drive ... leh tgk kangaroo ... leh carry si koala bear ... leh gi desert ... but which part of australia should i go?? hmmm ... let's take a poll ...

tink i shld give this a shot ... ??!!! it's $35 per jump per person maybe i'll go on a friday nite ... opens at 3pm ... closes at 3am ... OR ... should i take a stroll at the night safari?? ... there's a pick up for $3.50 at Grand Hyatt at 6.45pm depart from night safari as late as 10.45pm ... so that gives me 4hrs to roam ard night safari ... it's $18 per entry per adult ... tram ride $6 takes about 45mins there's animal show at 8pm, 9pm and 10pm ... or i could go for the safari adventure tour $28

Thanks to 'Get Music Video Codes'  for the link to upload videos on my pages ... Here's a sample ... one of my fav mp3 song loaded in my phone for my hearing pleasure ... listening to it reminds me of my nephew Syafi who sang along when the song is played on our way to Fraser Hill last august .. Enjoy!! (click play ya ... ) Here's the lyric ... for you to sing along ... Tell me what's wrong with society When everywhere I look, I see Young girls dying to be on TV They won't stop till they've reached their dreams Diet pills, surgery Photoshopped pictures in magazines Telling them how they should be It doesn't make sense to me Is everybody going crazy? Is anybody gonna save me? Can anybody tell me what's going on? Tell me what's going on? If you open your eyes You'll see that something is wrong I guess things are not how they used to be There's no more normal families Parents act like enemies Making kids feel like it's World War III ...

yippee!!! dia dah balik ... dah balik ... alhamdulilah ... he has a safe trip ... not forgetting a good trip too .. though from the sound of it not the best but an ok-ok trip i hear ... he even went to koh samui you!! took a cab from bangkok to rayong beach and power boat to koh samui ... power kan tu??!!! dah tu ... main jet ski lagi ... arghhh!!! miss all that fun ... not forgetting the endless shopping ... sigh!!! maybe someday ... tergerak ati dia nak bawak me lak eh ... maybe ... just maybe ...

nak pampered myself ... tapi tak sanggup ... tak mampu nak spend so much ... check out ... check out ... most places offer mcm $200++ ... even more ... what i want is a nice atmosphere ... serene ... tranquil ... want a good message that uplift me ... hilang kan all the tired ... stressed muscles ... a good back scrub to give my back a good glow ... a pedicure and a manicure ... just to give my fingers ... hand and toes some tlc ... a good facial ... to give me the glow and healthy complexion ... kalo ade foot reflexology ... alrite jugak ... kalo ade those bath pun ok jugak ... see ... dun it ends up with $200 and more ... arghhhhh!!! tak mampu sehhh ... but i really really really really need it ... any suggestion?? any recommendation?

Rating: ★★★★★ Category: Music Genre: Alternative Rock Artist: Nickelback Album - All The Right Reasons Look at this photograph Every time I do it makes me laugh How did our eyes get so red? And what the hell is on Joey’s head? This is where I grew up I think the present owner fixed it up I never knew we ever went without The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out This is where I went to school Most of the time had better things to do Criminal record says I broke in twice I must’ve done it half a dozen times I wonder if it’s too late Should I go back and try to graduate Life’s better now than it was back then If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in Every memory of looking out the back door I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor It’s hard to say It’s time to say it Goodbye, Goodbye Every memory of walking out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say It’s time to say it Goodbye, Goodbye We u...

hehehe ... ya i cooked today. my mum wasn't feeling too well tis morn ... she ask my sis but she buat 'dakkkk' only ... since i'm bored ... bf never called ... (how to when he's in the plane) ... me feeling worrisome ... (cos he didn't call to say he's off ... only called once about 7.30am to say he has reached the airport, yet to check in) ... so i decide to keep myself busy ... and at the same time help my mum lah ... (she went off to ziarah a relative who just pass away) leaving me with the ingredients to cook ... i made nasi ayam today. cooked 7 cups of rice ... habis you!!! till now ... my fingers on fire ... cos i insist on removing the seeds off the chilis .. since i'm no chilli eater ... hahahah made the chilli sauce ... mum said must be sweet ... well i made it just nice ... not too watery ... not too sweet ... not hot of course ... just nice ... the rice?? superb ... heheheh ... giving myself credit for it ... cos i love eating chick...

yup ... he is off to bangkok tis morning ... i meant sunday morning at 9.20am flight by jetstar asia. sms him about 1pm singapore time, that's about 12pm bangkok time. said he has just cleared the airport ... called him about 10pm singapore time, he just finish his dinner ... said they all slept thru' the afternoon since they were all up late the nite before. me again w/ my tots ... crazy tots ... watever it is ... i'm chill ... he'll be back on the 23rd ... that's wed. till then hope to hear from him tomorrow. if not the day after ... else the day after the day after ... i'm sure he's enjoying himself to the max without me in the way ... =D

Rating: ★★★★★ Category: Music Genre: Alternative Rock Artist: Peterpan hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu selalu, slalu dalam hatiku ku melangkah sejauh apapun itu selalu, kau di dalam hatiku ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu berharap, temukan sisa hatimu mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu mengerti, kau di dalam hatiku chorus tak bisakah kau menungguku hingga nanti tetap menunggu tak bisakah kau menuntunku menemani dalam hidupku ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu berharap, temukan sisa hatimu mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu mengerti, kau di dalam hatiku dara, kau menjadi hidupku ke mana, kau tahu isi hatiku tunggu, sejenak aku di situ jalanku, jalan menemukanmu

Lyrics from song by Staind, Outside All the times that I've cried All this wasted, it's all inside And I feel, all this pain I stuffed it down, it's back again And I lie, here in bed All alone, I can't mend But I feel Tomorrow will be ok "...you are just fucking with me..." "...you think i'm fucking with you..." "...i dunno..." "...you tink i'm not serious?..." "...i dunno..."      ....................... "...i said it cos i want u to say something ... i want u to let it out..." "...once again i get u to talk..." hahaha ... so lame!!! i'm piss ... and worst off i'm hurt ...  so piss that i almost broke down ...  so piss that i'm so hurt ... me fucking with him ...  god i can't believe it ... geeezzz ....

should or should not ... ??? well ... 'nawaitu'   nya it is a way to channel my emotions, my thoughts, my views ... sharing it with anyone who is interested to read them ... a means to even keep in touch with frens whom u dun meet everyday, talk everyday ... but always there in your heart ... but kekadang ni ... blog ni pun mcm soyal ... becos it does not have emotions ... no tonality ... different people reads it ... interprets it differently ... well ... that's up to the individual ... but kekadang tu ... it becomes the cause of quarrels among couples, misunderstanding among frens, assumption made by those concerns ... sigh!! mcm2 lagi lah ... so it's a question ... shld we blog? shld we journal? ya ya ... we know when we post this out to the web world ... it's everyone's right to see ... it's for public eye ... but yet it's a private writings ... sigh!! go back to writing diary?? hmmm ...

yup ... it's that eventful day on the 29 October 2005 @suntec convention. what can i say about that day ... it's just a day that's not "meant to be" ... WHY?!! well ... for one ... ALL my photos for that day just turns out blurrr ... blurrrrr rabak ... ALL of them lak tu ... what can i say kan?? can't turn back ... can't recreate the moments ... sigh!! ... this is one of those times when you wish you can turn back time ... but obviously you can't and this day is no exception ... for another ... my boyfren forgets that it's the day ... since he has made other plans ... which is more important ... i relent ... like i said it's just not meant to be ... well ... for sure it's an accomplishment for me ... a personal accomplishment ... thru' all the hardships, sleepless nights, stressful zits and headaches, unmeasureable effort and precious time, dollars and cents ... it's one of the world's NO REGRET thing that i've done ... a...

what exactly does raye is?? well ... as most of us know it's a celebration after a month of fasting ... Hari Kemenangan buat kita yang telah beribadah sebln ... mcm tak de ari esok gitukan ... in short ... it's a CELEBRATION ... rgdless of what ever that means to each and everyone of us ... well ... raye this year mcm ok ok lah for me ... for once i'm glad he is around ... unlike last year when he dissappear ... the only regret is not to go to geylang mlm raye tu ... well i did try to make arrangement ... but too bad tak de yg sanggup nak drive ... sigh!!! pak'al me tak tahu drive ... else tak jauh dah me pegi ... first raye as usual ... went to see my grandaunt at toa payoh first ... my paternal grandma was at my aunt's at jurong ... so we went there after ... we left home abt 3pm odd ... close to 4pm waiting for my sisters ... then we head to another grandaunt at tampines, then to my aunt at bedok ... and final house another grandaunt at woodlands ... and we ...

pejam-pelik pejam-pelik ... dah setahun ... 1 year to be exact since the day we decide to be together ... rempuh segala onak duri rgdless ... ye lah ... at that time semua manis ... yang pahit pun di kata manis ... yang masin pun di kata manis ... but again ... how long can the sweetness remains ... honeymoon period is over ... c'est fini ... over and done with ... and reality sips in ... it's been 1 hell of a roller coaster ride ... i am patience as ever ... i do learn along the way ... knowing to react on certain occasions ... sad to say ... i've nothing to give on this special day ... nothing to celebrate / go on this special day ... just a plain sms wishes to him ... cos it may be important to me ... but i've no idea if it is to him (my assumption) he didn't reply to my sms ... so god knows what's he tinking ... these words are inspired by my online buddy, Rai ... thank you!! (me steal ur inspirations ... jgn marah) When you fall to the ground, u will be phy...

Why does it seems that your patience towards me seems so thin? Why does it seems that i always seems to piss you off? ... or you get piss easily?? Why does it seems more apparent nowadays? Maybe cos it's fasting month? Maybe cos you just lost patience for me? Maybe i screw up your life? Why does it seems that whatever i do just seems wrong? Why those crude, harsh words? Is it really necessary? Why does it seems that you are testing my loyalty, my patience? Why do you want to piss me off when you end up being pissed? hahaha ... Maybe you realise that this is all wrong? ... that we are wrong for each other? Maybe you've done reflecting ... and realise that this whole thing is just getting more complicated? ... your status said "it's complicated" ... rite?? Maybe i am not the one ... i just happen to get caught in the cobweb ... You choose to be with someone else other than me on your special day ... Does that bothers me? Maybe a little ... and it tells me that i a...

Birthdays are reminder of at what age are we at ... it's also a time to sit down and reflect ... what we wish for ... we don't usually get ... there are decisions we made we regret ... life ... it's not always what we dreamt to get ... but we live with it ... no matter what ... wishing you a great day today ... cos today is your day ... have no worries in the world ... cos today the world evolves around you ... just you ... I'm sorry i can't afford to give you that cheesecake ... (while some others have beat me to it) nor can i even afford to give you a greeting card ... just an sms wish ... and a verbal wish ... which i doubt makes your day ... but that's all i can afford today ... have a great day my dear ... may you live long and happy ... happy ...

he never fail to amuse me ... when my parents, bro, his sis and elder bro is out ... leaving me and him ... while the eldest bro is somewhere in the house dunno do wat ... my sis lak off to work ... there he is behind me so quiet ... that even i can hear the semut walking ... and guess what he's doing ... me nya giler ... i decide to 'doll' him up ... hehehehe ... he love every seconds of it ... heheheeh .... ps: pics taken from my sony ericsson k750i ...

dreadlock ni cantik ... but it also comes with leceh nya nak maintain ... dah lah buat nya ber-puluh2 ... makan ratus ... but who am i to complain ... skali color / highlight / perm / rebond / treatment my hair je dah ber-puluh2 kluar ... ratus pun ade ... anyway ... me ni nak tanya ... ade sesiapa dari kalian ... teman2 multiply hamba yang tahu di mane hamba leh cari org or salon untuk cuci kan dreadlock / treatment kan / as well as touch up skali ... bukan nya tak leh cuci rambut sendiri ... but it's not as easy ... dun get me wrong ... tis is not for me ... definitely not my hair ... but asking on behalf ... if anyone ade recommendation to anyone or salon ... ade harga nya skali lagi best ... PM me or reply me k ... TERIMA KASIH!!!! thank you!!!

recalling back 4-oct-2004 ... that's when i first receive your sms ... and the first i hear your voice ... i didn't fall for you then ... but i enjoy talking to you ... i look forward to receive your sms each morning ... then each day ... and now at least each week ... i didn't fall for you then ... nor do i fall for you on our first meet ... but i fell for you on our 2nd meet ... it's been 5 years i shut myself out ... and you're the one who manage to open the "door" ... cos i trust and believe you hold the key ... i let you in ... i took small baby steps as i go ... hurting every steps i took ... nonetheless there are moments that time just stop for us ... right from the start ... i know i am 2nd best ... i can never be her ... i can never replace her ... i dun intend to cos i do understand that, that's my lost ... she came before me ... and i can't change that ... all i want is for us to look forward ... to move on ... if you choose to look back...

why is it that no matter what i do ... it's always mcm wrong gitu ... maybe it is wrong ... but isn't there anyway to compromise and correct the wrong ... and see where we can improve ... maybe i'm just being stubborn ... or maybe i'm just trying to be perfect ... or maybe i'm just trying too hard ... maybe i'm just being selfish ... maybe i tot wat i did is the rite thing to do ... maybe i tot it's best to do that way ... maybe i tot if i don't it will be stray ... maybe ... maybe ... maybe ... arghhhhh!!! that's never an answer to all these rite?? no answer at all?? then wat?? what shld i do now?? maybe best i sleep and dun wake up? maybe best i go run far2 away? maybe best for me to be left alone? maybe i was meant to be alone? maybe i shld give more space? maybe i shld just let it be? maybe i shld not take it too hard? maybe that's how it is? maybe that's for the best? arghhh ... again no answer ... how like that?? it's so emotionally...

Friday 30.09.2005 he came to pick me up abt 1.30pm .. ya we took a cab ... we head to beach road, golden mile complex ... taking the konsortium bus @2.30pm. nak draw $$ ... the atm machine run out of cash ... no choice got to draw kat KL je ah ... since it's a direct bus from SIN - KL ... we only stop for toilet break ... 2 stops ... 1 right after the JB toll and the other after the KL toll ... we stop kat pudu ... reach there abt 8pm or so ... we then head to petaling street ... beli perfume (leh buat tido ... heheehe) jln2 sikit ... grab our dinner to go at mac, bought drinks kat 7-11, then head to our hotel, crowne mutiara plaza reaching there at 10.30pm. we resign to bed early after a good warm bath ... tomorrow's gonna be a long day ... Saturday 01.10.2005 we rise early ... woke up at 7.30am (mcm nak gi work gitu kan ...) ... after taking our bath ... we head down to have our breakfast ... abt 9am or so once we are done ... we went out heading to petaling street again ......

heading to the neighbouring country tmrw ... gi kl je ... tak jau ... tu je yg termampu for now ... it's our (me and my bf) virgin trip ... yep ... it's the first time we are travelling together out of singapore ... for the first time ... nak kata excited ... mcm tak sangat ... just feel that it's a norm thing to travel with him ... is that good or bad? ... me pulak mcm rasa nak sakit ... u know that pain ... sore thing that u get in the nose when u feel like u gonna have the flu ... head slightly heavy but not too heavy that u want to go to sleep je ... badan mcm lemah longlai ... guess i'm just tired ... maybe a bit stress ... we deserve a break ... we deserve it after much strain and stress we had ... we need it ... i'm gonna have fun! be light hearted! go with the flow! enjoy his company for 3 days ... hehehehe that is for sure ... ta ta ... will be back before u knew it ... hahahaha

Have a good laugh hehehe ... quite funny though!!! Lee Sum Wan : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? Mr Saw Lee : Yes, you can speak to me. Lee Sum Wan : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Mr Saw Lee : You are talking to someone! Who is this? Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. Mr Saw Lee : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. Mr Saw Lee : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Lee Sum Wan : You are so rude! Who are you? Mr Saw Lee : I'm Saw Lee. Lee Sum Wan : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.

i'm emotionally exhausted ... emotionally stress ... emotionally strain ... i need a hug ... A little hug makes everyone feels good in every place and language it's always understood ... hugs don't need new equipment special batteries or parts just open your arms and open your hearts ... "Happiness is not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got."

Got this from a fren ... something to ponder ... Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. - Ne...

My heart aches just listening to the song ... aches more when i read the lyrics ... it's so me ... "Because Of You" By Kelly Clarkson I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did, You fell so hard I've learned the hard way To never let it get that far Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake A smile, a laugh everyday of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of y...

dunno!!! ... is something wrong?? ... doesn't seem so. then why is he acting strange?? ... or is it just me feeling so ... just another of my paranoid self?? .... or is it a way of him saying ... i need space??? ... allo!!! i'm not one who is sticky ok ... wat space are u talking abt?? ... alrite fine if u want space ... doesn't he miss me?? ... well he never did as far as i know ... not that i know ... how to?? he never says them?? unless those times when he ask if i miss him ... which i guess it's another way to say i miss you too ... arghhhh!!! he doesn't care abt me?? ... well hard to say cos he's not one who is kepo to ask what u doing, whr u going, and that kind of sort ... well he knows that i'm ALWAYS at home ... arghhh ... let it be lah ... dah penat ahhh!!! i'm tired of playing this guessing game ... assumption lethal game ... let's go with the flow ... flow .... flow ... flow ...

"... kalau tak dia ... tak kita ..." what does it really means? direct translation to English ... "... if not them ... not us ..." Here's a scenario to relate ... there's a guy who has a fiancee and getting married soon ... but he also has a gf ... who he loves head over heels for ... [well the gf comes about when both their rel is on the rocks ... and the fiancee confess she has a bf ... but above all ... the wedding will still takes place ...] what happen here? ... when we (a 3rd party onlooker) analyse their situation ... that's when we said ... "... kalau tak dia ... tak kita ..." which means?? if not them .. it can be us?? hmmm ... life is complicated as it is ... why complicates further when such things can be avoided at all cost ... human! man! woman! people!

a fren of mine who is sulking at me a couple of months ago ... sms me today. he knows i'm in despair ... and guess how he knows it?? ... he says he dreamt about me 3 days in a row ... the same dream (he doesn't elaborate further) ... the same person ... and that i'm hurting ... i'm crying for help hence he ask what happen ... i dun know where to start ... i dun know what he expects to hear ... so there i go pouring my tots out ... not sure if it's link ... not sure if there's any link at all from his dreams to my woes ... but he sure is serious ... guess the dreams really disturb him ... what does all means? ... i've no slightest idea ... dun know what to expect ... dun know what to tink ... but i'm sure it's a message successfully sent ... another of god's will ...

yeah ... i teared ... just when i tot i will not ... just when i tot i'm strong enough to face any challenges ...but i'm wrong ... i dunno know what triggers ... i dunno where i fault ... it just happen ... he just blew ... is it something i said? ... is it something i do? ... i dunno ... am i so desperate to be loved? ... am i so desperate to be with him? ... i was telling myself ... never hav i love someone so deep as much as i love him ... but i ask myself ... does he? ... yes i believe he does ... but?? ... i never teared for someone as much as i teared for him ... fear of losing him ... fear of him shutting me off ... fear that he won't want to see me ... fear that he won't talk to me ... fear that he won't love me ... fear that he won't care ... fear ... fear ... fear ... and that becos of that fear ... i teared ... i can't bear to be alone ... wat is career? wat is cert? can they talk to you? ... can they console you? ... can they give you hugs when y...

something is just not right ... but i don't know what? Did i say something that i should not be saying? or did i do something that i should not do? arghhh ... help me!!! before i go bonkers! before i go nuts! it is me? nak tanya nanti kena herdik for no reason ... ask one qns ... reply one answer ... amacam ni??!!! arghhhhhhh!!!! ( head banging on the wall )

something is amiss ... or is it just me being paranoid ... wish i'm wrong ... but i just dun feel good ... wish i've the strength to wade off the negative tots ... so help me god!

me?? ... i'm a "cuddle and a kiss on the forehead" - i am someone who likes to be close to my special someone and feel warm, comfortable, and needed Try it out ... What Sign of Affection Are You?

first they are my best buddies since secondary school ... one after another got hitch ... now they are happily married with their bundled of joy(s) ... then a good fren whom i knew, we used to work together ... she saw the worst of me when i go thru' that bad 'crash' ... she got married soon enough ... and happily married with her bundled of joy too ... now ... another buddy i've 'slogged' and 'stress' thru for the past 5 years ... joining the 'ship' ... is that jealousy u hear from me? nope!! definitely not ... they are just 'voices' of envy ... one after another ... found true love ... or at least someone who loves them wholeheartedly to grow old with them ... me? am i left at the shelf? hopefully not ... on a positive note ... i'm glad i met him ... am glad that i'm still with him ... where does that lead us?? too early to say?? or a taboo to say?? whatever it is ... i'm glad i do have him to fall back on ... when my girlfr...

done with 2 more books of Barbara Delinsky ... 'A Woman Betrayed" and 'Rekindled' ... A fulfilling treat to the mind, imagination and heart ... Here's to my favourite author online home ... http://barbaradelinsky.com/

of course i love him ... and i'm pretty sure he loves me too ... though i've not heard him say it ... but i guess i just knew ... but it's important isn't it to be accepted by his mum ... his family ... it's necessary ... so when the MIL has 2 to choose ... what happen next?

ya who couldn't forget that first love??  ... some says their first love is puppy love ... but puppy love is still love isn't it?? ... some even has stronger attachment to their puppy loves ... saw that full circle show the other day where the Romeo married 52 times and still end up with his first love ... see how strong first love is ... just ponder ... if he did not have any kid from the first love ... would he met his first love again? not if it's by chance ... but he's meet up was arranged ... and so they re-unite ... i guess when you were no longer in close contact with your first love ... it's easier to move on ... u don't hurt your present love ... but if you are still in contact ... and coincidently both parties are not married ... there's bound to be feelings re-ignite ... memories re-dugged ... moments re-shared ... who gets hurt?? of course the present love ... to the present lovers out there ... ( and that includes me ... ) brace yourself ... tr...

dah lah kena herdik ... raised his voice to be exact ... just becos i called? maybe he's not looking forward to be home ... or maybe he's tired ... but gives him no right to raised his voice kan? si power 98 pun satu ... from just now have been playing my "history" songs ... first it was the song that brings me back to 6-7 years ago ... that pathetic self of mine ... then now playing the song that reminded me of the time me and my travel buddy was in KL ... the first two times that we were there ... and this song is still hot ... arghhh ... cannot concentrate to work ... my mine going crazy ... arghhhhhh ....

he has reach his destination ... safe and sound ... but from his tone ... the hotel sucks big time ... even has tots of changing hotel ... have been searching for one for him ... but to no avail ... most of them are fully booked ... ask him to check out some hotels while he's there ... "shitty huh dear??!! hang on in there ... go look ard ... or make the best of what is thr ... i'm sorry it turns out this way for u ... hope to hear from you soon ..."

he left me less than 24hrs and i'm already missing him ... hope all is well ... "Take care my dear ... have a safe journey ..."

Got this from a fren ... Something for us to ponder ... LOVE starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR ... LOVE is when you can't hate, no matter how much wrong is done to you. If you can love BEYOND all hurt and pain, then it's LOVE. DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you ... Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget ... You can only go as far as you can push ... ACTIONS speak louder than words ... The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else ... DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff ... LIFE'S SHORT, If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it ... A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE ... Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it ... BEST FRIENDS are siblings God forgot to give ... When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FR...

Dear Journal ... i know i've been missing for a while ... "where did i go??" no where ... been around ... even my colleague miss me since she has not been seeing much of me around in office as well ... "how's life?" it has been wonderful ... nice in a way ... love in plenty of ways ... "what i've learnt these past days??" that ... Sometimes a lot of things are just not meant to be asks ... it's meant to be trusted and it's a "you knew ... so don't need to ask" thingy ... though curiosity does kills the cat ... but it does not pay to be nosy ... no matter how much you yearn to ask ... no matter how much you yearn to know ... it's best that some things are to be kept mum about ... it's not easy ... it's the most difficult thing to do ... but somethings are just done that way ... it may not make you feel the best of yourself ... but be contented with what you currently have ... having some is better than not havi...

As usual ... got this from a fren ... A lot of times, we tend to take things for granted ... especially when we reach the 'get use to ' zone ... this is just a reminder to all of us ... we sure need them once in a while ... FAMILY I ran into a stranger as he passed by, "Oh excuse me please" was my reply. He said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you." We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said good-bye. But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still. When i turned, i nearly knocked him down. "Move out of the way," I said with a frown. He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken. When i lay awake in bed, A small voice came to me and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse. Go...

Fate = an event that inevitably happen ... Inevitably = an event that is impossible to avoid or prevent ... Destiny = a predetermined events beyond our control ... Yes Dear!! ... we are fated to be together ... we didn't meet by any chance ... we are being met ... i've answered ur question ...

got this from a fren ... Five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.

Dear ... THANK YOU!! I have such a lovely, blissful time with you for the past few days ... i fell in love with you all over again ... leaving u for the weekend ... u had ur fun at the paintball with ur frens ... while i had my "bumpy" fun trip to Fraser Hill with my family ... part of me sure misses u ... that's without saying ... but i also know that u need sometime to be with your frens too ... we catch two movies in a row ... watch 'Bewitched' on Monday nite at Cineleisure and 'Stealth' on Tuesday nite at Westmall ... both shows are worth watching ... especially when it's watch with you ... On Wednesday, not sure if u felt it ... but i chose to have dinner at Magic Wok cause i wanted to relive the first dinner we had together ... that's 10mths ago ... sorry you had to tolerate eating the baby squid ... hehehehe you: why do you choose to be with me? ... me: [pause] to put it lamely ... cos it's you ... you: ya ... but why me? ... you hav...