my day ...

i'm here again ...
last year about this time ... i remember i was at Republic of Singapore Yatch Club ... sitting all by myself crying ... eating a cake, writing a birthday card and happy getting myself a CD.
by this year ... i'm here in front of this PC ... writing this journal ... which is visible only by me ... of course lah ... why would i want to share this journal w/ everyone kan?? i'm not one to tell the world that today, 3 December 2005 @12.20am is my birthday ... (well actually i was born at 9.04am)

earlier today i was out w/ ady ... went to expo to get his marathon goodie bag. he is not running for the marathon ... cos tmrw he has hairil's wedding dinner to attend, the other wedding the groom just got into an accident ytdy so now in ICU ... on sunday he has Sam's (budak blk ah ...) wedding.
i slept over his place last nite ... so was from his place to expo ... had bf cum lunch cum dinner @long john silver millenia walk ...
after i took my bath this morning ... it wasn't a great snooping findings ... saw 3 pics of a lady called Toi ... chinese girl ... taken in a hotel (cos of the background) ... 2 taken w/ him and 1 taken of herself ... at 2am or so ... and at that time is the time that he said he was at Alexandra hospital visiting Tai. spent $50 ... just like that ... said he spent it on cab fare and also to contribute to Tai ... checked his dbs internet banking ... it was drawn at sim ave ... this is the 2nd time i saw that entry ... so i trust it's not the first time they met ...
i guess the girl's name is Toi cos he called her about 2am or so ... i did something bad ... i called that no ... she picked up of course ... and when i kept silence she 'maki' in chinese ... 'ka ni na' ... i wonder what he did at the hotel with her ... did they fuck? but if they do ... then he wouldn't be fucking me which is about 6am or so ... by the time he's home is close to 5am. i left home about 5.30am ... reaching his place slightly before 6am ... one puzzle yet to fit ...

at abt 12am or so ... he msg this girl nora ... last i know he msg her was before his bkk trip ... saying goodbye and that's the last ... but no lah ... he msg her again last nite ... saying that he tot abt her everyday ... why she didn't even bother to msg him ... guess she really dun care ... sigh!!! he never give up huh ... well she is after all his dreams ... that's the folder he named to saved all her smses ... even one of the pic that he had in his mobile ... was named emerald dreams ... which i tink the ring that he bought in bkk was afterall meant for her and not for his mum ... which part of me expect it to be for me ... maybe as a birthday gift ... but no ah ... the ring is no longer in it's pouch ... wonder where is it?? another piece of the puzzle to solve ...

lastly there's a call he made on 2 dec abt 6am ... wonder why?? he is still in contact with her huh?? in fact on our way back home in the bus ... he got an sms from her ... didn't manage to read the content ... he deleted the msg anyway ... with the rest of the other smses that he use to save ... sigh!! tak abis2 eh ...

ati sakit ... what else i can do kan?? sabar je ah ... guess i'm just destine to be just a persinggahan ... someone he can take for granted ...

my only wishes was from monyetbongkok ... his birthday falls on 13 dec ... a sagittarius just like me ... from chan that's cos i wishes him first today ... and he wishes me back in advance ...

i really wonder now ... 3 dec 2005 @12.41am ... where he is having absolute fun with his friends if he really really remembers that today is my birthday ...
last year he is the first to wish me at the strike of 12am ... guess this year i am not part of the event in the calendar ...
sad ... but that's how it is ...

i'm going to bed now ... most likely watch some tv or so before me 'beradu' ...
in short ... it's a sad sad story today turning 30 ...
1. i got no money to spend for a bungy jump or a night safari trip or a massage or even a pedi/manicure ...
2. my bf just simply forgotten to wish me ... jgn kata wish .... no plans to even be with me cos he has weddings to attend ...

what a pathetic birthday ... pathetic with a capital 'P' .... sighhhhhhhhhh!!!!
(well at least ... the pics here reminded me how life is wonderful when you're single and carefree ... without a bf to hurt you ... having one is nice when he is faithful, loyal, truthful, sincere ... but not when his hurt is not with you ... and that's where i regret having a bf ...)