again i teared ...

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yeah ... i teared ... just when i tot i will not ... just when i tot i'm strong enough to face any challenges ...but i'm wrong ...

i dunno know what triggers ... i dunno where i fault ... it just happen ... he just blew ...
is it something i said? ... is it something i do? ... i dunno ...

am i so desperate to be loved? ... am i so desperate to be with him? ...
i was telling myself ... never hav i love someone so deep as much as i love him ...
but i ask myself ... does he? ... yes i believe he does ... but?? ...
i never teared for someone as much as i teared for him ... fear of losing him ... fear of him shutting me off ... fear that he won't want to see me ... fear that he won't talk to me ... fear that he won't love me ... fear that he won't care ... fear ... fear ... fear ...
and that becos of that fear ... i teared ... i can't bear to be alone ...

wat is career? wat is cert? can they talk to you? ... can they console you? ... can they give you hugs when you need one? (like now) ... NO THEY CAN'T ...
all the frens i knew are either attached ... married ... engaged ... they don't have time for me ... again i've come to a point when i ask myself ... who can i call for a hug? ... who can hear me out NOW? ... and guess what? ... there's no one ... no one ... simply no one ... and again that makes me tear ... how can i not feel fear when no one is gonna be next to me ... hear my screams ... someone i can 'manja' with ... someone i can hug ... how can i not fear when he shuts me out ... i'm DEAD!!

i've known how it feels when one is at the verge of suicide ... i felt that before. today i learn how it feels if someone you so dearly love shuts you out ... you are so 'ALONE' ... so very 'ALONE' ...

Comments

  1. XXXX YYYY13 September 2005 at 22:18

    a person who makes you cry doesn't worth your tears while a person who is worth of your tears doesn't make you cry..

    gal, u know u can always look for me if you need someone to talk to...anytime gal k...i will try my best to be there for you...

    ReplyDelete
  2. JusMoi -14 September 2005 at 06:47

    thks dear ... i really appreciate that ... and i know very well you are always near ... thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Natalin Tumbuck23 September 2005 at 11:48

    You know, since you like reading so much, I suggest you gotta pick up any Men from Mars Women from Venus books. As much as guys make mistakes, girls unconsciously contribute more problems into it. The result will be whatever you feel in here.

    So... Guyz & Dollz! Go get that Mars/Venus books, it's all there waiting for your understanding!

    ReplyDelete
  4. JusMoi -26 September 2005 at 01:08

    know what?? ... i've been wanting to read that book ... sometimes even have the urge to buy them ... but dunno why i didn't ... guess i would have to now ...

    guess one never know what one misses out ... till one does it ...

    ReplyDelete

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