Hari Raya 2008

well ... this year raya really really mcm malas gitu ... but being tradition and the norm in the family ... it's still celebrated rgdless.

Tis is our 3rd raya together ... and hopefully the last being solo / or as gfren-bfren ... what happen to us over the past few weeks leaves a scar to me. not sure if it's just my own doings or it's my strong intuition or just my paranoid self. questions and more questions that i have no answers for.
this yr, raya with my side. morning he reach my place. after he had his meal, we head to his mum's place. every1 is not ready. nk kata we're early, we're not cos it's already 11-ish if i'm not wrong. so we hang out a while. the mum is being sarcastic (i felt so) saying that she is not raya-ing cos she has no $$. sigh!! kak ti said she's busy ... it's been her only word she could utter to me since the past weeks. seriously i've no idea what is wrong and what wrong have i done to deserve this cold treatment.
then we head to Mak Min's place. That's where grandma is. then to Nek Long's. then to Nek Busu. then to Cik Wang's. Then to Nek Nab's. and finally to Kak Yu's place.

d was ok thru' out the day. he wore farhan's aju kurung. he received sms-es and he told me who they are from. he's been the loving d that i've known. though he seems a bit too sleepy that it jus makes me kind of question. he slept when we're at nek long's hse and he slept at kak yu's hse too. hmm ...
for me ... this raya wasn't the best of it. i wore my old aju kurung. and i tink this piece makes me look HUGE! it's one of those raya that i go with the flow. i didn't take pics like i did last 2 yrs. lucky iwan played with the camera and snaps around else we won't have any pics at all this year. i hate how i look. i hate visiting ard and saying sorry. i hate giving them that false smile. i hate being pretentious like nothing happen but i'm hurting somehow. if given the choice i would rather stay home and rot. but again it's raya ... so what the heck.
the next 2 days i'm off from work. but i work from home. i finish what i need to do from home. d called saying hi. we didn't go out on thurs cos he's tired. we didn't go out on fri too. we didn't go out today. but d went to toh guan to get his air horn fix which in the end he didn't do it cos they are too busy. tmrw? i ask him out but he said he's tired. (negative tots running wild in my head)
i guess leaving me alone at home to my own vice ... i would tink all sorts of negative thingy ... as much as i try to stay cool and not tink of anything ... i really can't help myself from thinking. when d stay away from me that day ... he said he's stress out with my attitude. he doesn't know why i'm acting this way. why i scolded him and sounded so harsh. well that is his part of the story but my part of the story is ... he's acting weird. real weird.
he bought himself a Nokia bluetooth. he bought himself a white watch tat cost $5. for d to wear white .... hmmm ... and when i ask him if he wants to buy a watch he will said he has his own which is still working why buy a new one. maybe this is cheap so probly why he bought it. he wear chapal. i dun remember him having one. but he said it's his old one. hmm ... d wearing chapal?? weird wasn't it. how come i didn't know all these while he has a chapal?

well ... we have 80 odd days to go before our wedding. and ANYTHING can happen ... let's just watch. this year raya instead of every1 asking us "so when's your turn?" ... it turns out to be "28 eh? wah dah bau2 pengantin?" i wish i could say i'm as excited as they are but then ...