Akhirnya ku menemukanmu ...

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How's things?
Not very good ... for now.

what happen?
well ... my worries is a killer. It's like a tumor in my heart ... in my head.
i called d ... warning him not to get angry ... but of course he did la.
ask him AGAIN if he is ready and if he wants to proceed with the wedding, the marriage.
and the same answer i get ... of course la. (and he started to get piss)
he said "tink about it ... if i'm not ready and i'm not serious ... then why would i bother with the wedding preps, talk abt what we want to do next, what we want to do in the next couple of months after the weddin. just tink abt it la."
hmm ... he has a point though ... but still i WORRIED!!
what abt the biskut2 yg d masih layan seh?? i'm SELFISH!! i want d all by myself and i DON'T WANT to share him with any1 else.
even if it's just to reply hi .. i'm PISSED OFF ... i'm ANGRY ... i'm HURT.
the last big fight we had ... watever i said tak register in his head ke?
sanggup he hurt me again and again and again ... biler nk game ni?? penat.com tau!!
am i wrong to feel that i might lose him once i have him.
if for the past 3 yrs he hasn't change ... how can i be sure that he will after the wedding.
his past relationship, those 11 yrs of marriage ... he didn't change.

what happen after that?
i left office. i smsed him ... apologise to him that i made him angry and i may have hurt him.
he didn't response. TILL TODAY HE HAS NOT FORGIVE ME.
he is cold. he raises his voice at me when i called. he ignores my smses. he ignore my calls.
he finally msg 2050 said he sms "d nk rilez jgn kacau d k."
and i let him be alone. (i hope so)

Then today?
i wake him up as usual. he wakes up at 0729. he sms me "d nk gi werk" at 0749.
i sms him when i left to work. and i sms him when i get to work.
and that's it ...
HE HAS NOT FORGIVE ME.
i doubt he is talking to me. sigh!
why is it that he does the wrong thing and i end up apologising ...
and i end up feeling more miserable then him.
he is happy at my expense ... sanggup eh d tgk me hurt, mi cry when d happy2 kat luar tu ...
sampai ati ... is this how he loves me?
or maybe he has stop loving me ytdy?
Never take someone for granted
Hold the person close to ur heart
because u might wake up one day
and realize that u've lost a diamond
while u were too busy collecting stones ...
it's 2 late to regret then.

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