where are you?

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sometimes when i just dun feel too good abt things ... i try to find answers ... somewhere ... last sunday (3 Jun) i checked ur phone ... sorry i know i shldn't ... but i did while u're asleep ... we parked the lorry at the road shoulder along the xpressway exiting woodlands ... since i can't sleep and u have doze off ... due to ngantuk + high on drinking ... and i saw another new name ... MILAH! siape milah? u sms her ... u never mentioned Milah to me before ... tk pernah ... and u sms that biskut ... the one 9420 ... the one that called u syg and all that ... the one who has been smsing u for a while when u're working in bax ... and she disappear for a while ... and now she's back??
i felt angry!! marah!! nk nangis pun ye ... why do u do tis to me? asl? why do u hurt me again and again ... ya ya ya ... i know if i didn't check ... i won't know ... then i won't feel hurt ... but u know that things just can't be kept away from me ... i WILL EVENTUALLY know ... someway somehow ...
tu tk pe ... mlm tu bkn main mesra ngan Ashley kat Chimes ... while leaving me talking to Abg Lis abt u and how u shld upgrade urself and all that ... first Abg Lis pick me up from home while u went straight from Pasir Ris (after antar periuk) ... dah tu ni bual2 ngan Ashley tk pe ... ni nyanyi agi ngan dia ... ye lah i know i dun sing ... suara me pun SUMBAND ... it's alrite ... jeles je but heck it lah ... malas nk fikir2 ...
on top of all these ... mlm semlm the sat nite ... u made me wait and wait and wait ... do u know how painful satu penantian yg tk kesampaian tu?? do u know that it hurts so much? i know u work ... but tk kan lah smp tk leh call ... where have u been? u said u were so tired that u slept at along the expressway. when u sadar u drove home ... tk ingat lak kul brapa u smp umah or u drove off from the expressway home ... biler fikir2 lik ... it's not like u ... u usually check on time ... tat's ur habit ... u will check wat time before moving off ... it's not like u to just wake up and drive w/o lkg at ur watch ... ni biler tanya ... said u didn't checked ... ok maybe this is one off case that u didn't checked ... alrite i give u the benefit of the doubt ...
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i'm feeling kind of terkilan ... despite knowing that he loves me lots ... i just feel tat he is not appreciating me ... felt that sometimes he takes things lightly ... take things for granted ... maybe i expect too much ... but then i dun have much expectation do i? all i need is undivided attention ... respect ... honesty (kejujuran) ... is tat too much to ask ... to much to expect from u ...
well this is my tots ... it's only a 1-sided story told by me ... but wat's his story? wat is his feelings? how he felt? what he tot? what he wants? i dunno for real ... for sure ... cos his deep deepest tots and feelings is not something that he openly shares ... so in all honesty i wldn't really know ... and i won't know unless he choose to speak up to tell ... will you syg??

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