Is that the right person? ....
A great article to share ... Those who are still single may learn something from here ... Those involved in a relationship may consider this to strengthen your relationship … Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage ...
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During a seminar, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
Noticing a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their calls, wanted their touches, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet". Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touches are not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression, "the labor of love".
Because it takes time, effort and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
its difficult... but m learning endlessly... hopefully i'll succeed... gud entry, ty... (((-:
ReplyDeleteinsyaAllah .... it's never easy ... and it didn't just take one side to make it successfully but both need to play their part ... dun u tink?
ReplyDeletekekadang we tot we've known them ... but again at times they are just strangers to us ... i trust they felt the same way too ...
most welcome gal ... we need to remind ourselves and each other every now and then ... only then will we succeed ... in life, in love, in work ...
oh well, its easy said den done... sometimes i wud tink, wat if luv is gone ? meaning to say, its only a one sided luv... and dats unfair... but we need our happiness too... so de bottom line is, sacrifice our own happiness to de one who luv u unconditionally... dats a huge sacrifice... (((-:
ReplyDelete"THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND"
ReplyDeletewow.. powerful.. so true yet so difficult to achieve.. cos love whilst in marriage comes in many mood swings, many unavoidable incidences, many undesirable sins..
*sigh* almost 15 years...and i am still learning...fenat.com siolzz! Patience is indeed a virtue....and the article is good info...for sometimes..i tend to forget...well..forgetfulness is my best excuse to run away momentarily!! run..run..pun..fenat jugak...so pendek cerita...memang BOTH need to play their parts...:p dah fenat running...ako sleep lah...snooze sampai time to wake up!! hahaha!!
ReplyDeletewell....
ReplyDeletedon't ask me!......
me also lost!!!.....
well....
ReplyDeletedon't ask me......
am also lost!.....
indeed a huge sacrifice ... if giving up our own happiness for someone who's willing to give us unconditional happiness ... i wld tink at the end of the day ... both will be happy ...
ReplyDeletebut if one just doesn't reciprocate, dun even admit defeat and make sacrifices ... tat's more painful isn't it?
learning is a process tat never ends ... i'm sure all folks tat lives w/ their spouses for yrs could tell u a good story ... but wat's life w/o ups and down ... and wat's love with pleasure and pain ...
ReplyDeletei'm sure there's a way to get by no matter how difficult it cld get ... the question shld not be if i've made the right choice afterall ... but let's move forward and learn to accept each other ... as long as given the oppurtunity ... but if 1 chooses to close his/her heart to u ... then it's like getting thru' a brick wall ...
jgn kata kau sorang yg kat fenat.com ... aku pun ... at least u've been there done that ... and now going thru' it ... aku ni tak smp2 ... agi rabak!!! tak kecian ke?? wakakaka ... agi fenat.com giler tau ...
ReplyDeletetell me abt it ... patience is indeed a virtue ...
pS: aku pun kalo leh nk lari jauh2 ... aku rasa masih boleh lah ... wat say u??? hmmmm *thinking*
heheheh ... meh me pimpin tangan and show u the way ... map ade bang?? *winks*
ReplyDeleteheard it some where. it is good. i agree!!
ReplyDeletealhamdulillah.. learn to love the one u choose rather than keep on searching for hte right one. for u wont find it.
ur partner is ur other half to complete u. not the perfect one.
no one's perfect anyway. we're not perfect too.
everyone has its own strengths and weaknesses. right?
talk and listen. tolarate, forgive forget and many more..
insyaAllah, it works. besides love in the air.
allahu'alam..
-z
ya ... if it's meant to be it's meant to be ... with a little trial and error ... i'm sure if it's to work ... it works ... again patience is a virtue ... insyaAllah it's rewarded fairly ...
ReplyDeletegreat words! thanks zie!